Photo Credit @INDIAEARL

One of the regrets I have from my dating life is spending time or investing in relationships that were one sided.

There is a universal law of giving and receiving—it feels good to give, and it also feels good to receive. There is  positive energy in these exchanges.

In dating, more often than not, there isn’t an even balance of effort in or commitment to the relationship. I hear girls say, “He’s really busy with work” or “He just got out of a relationship,” and “He wants to keep his options open.” If you are at a point in your life that you’re ready to get serious with a guy, waiting around for a guy to make you his first priority shouldn’t take long.

I believe that men appreciate boldness. They respect a woman who respects herself. They want us to speak up. And not just be agreeable, smiley, fake, and un-opinionated.  

There was a guy many years ago that came into my life at the perfect time. We spent a whole summer together, dating casually. Although I knew he wasn’t dating anyone else, he never set a clear expectation of what we “were.” He didn’t want to make things official. At the end of the summer, I put my mission papers in and told him if it was meant to be he’d be single when I got home! He was indeed single when I got home, and he was my first awkward date as a fresh RM.  After a few weeks of picking up where we left off, I asked him if he could see us going anywhere. He was hesitant about getting too serious too fast, but he said enough to give me hope. I remember a few days passing by, and he hadn’t called or texted me. If I would text him, he would be slow to respond. The cold hard truth was that he was just not that into me! I called him and said something to the effect of: “There are other guys asking me on dates that seem stoked to get to know me and spend time with me. I feel like you aren’t ready to make me a top priority, and that’s okay. No hard feelings. I wish you well, and I hope one day we cross paths again, because you are an amazing guy.” We ended things that day—but things don’t usually go smoothly with break ups, especially if you both are semi-emotionally attached. He would text me every once in a while, and I would reply like an idiot (because I had no self control, and I still really liked him!).  For some reason, when a guy doesn’t like us as much as we like them, we go a little crazy. Or am I the only one?

A whole year went by, and I was happily dating a boy that loved me and I loved him. I felt happy and very content in my relationship. Old guy came back into town and called me and said, “I’m coming over. I need to talk to you.”  He came over to my apartment and explained that he wanted to make things work. He wanted to give me a 100% and try dating again. I was shocked! Finally my “dream guy” was coming to sweep me off my feet. I didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, I had a very wise friend that helped me get out of this sticky situation.  I came to my senses and told old guy “no.” I was happy. I wasn’t interested in trying things again. I politely asked him to stop contacting me. I was sick of holding on to that tiny bit of hope that someday we could make things work. And let me tell you…that was the best day of my life!

We are in charge of our own happiness! If there are guys that aren’t into you, that lead you on, or string you along, call you only when they are bored, GET RID of them! Stop replying to their snaps, stop texting them back or answering their calls. We are not victims; we are strong women who have self respect. Respect yourself enough to stop things from going on too long when you are getting the flaky vibes.

Remember: There is someone out there that will love you perfectly. Someone that will die to be with you and eventually not be able to picture his life without you. A man that will treat you like a queen. He will receive your love and also give love! Maybe not at the beginning, but eventually you will care for each other equally. And that equal love is a magical thing. He’s out there. So why on earth would you waste your time with a guy that has you on the back burner?

My professor for Interpersonal Relationship Skills always said, “You teach others how to treat you.” Girls, teach those guys how to treat you. Stand up for yourself and your divine worth.

You are beautiful. You are strong. You are capable and independent. Find your inner strength, and get out there and date with your head held high. You deserve nothing but the absolute best.

 

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