My life recently changed drastically when my little baby girl was born. I have always wanted to be a mother—I think that’s just naturally ingrained in us women. Since I was a teenager I was always super impressed by the mothers of the stripling warriors:
47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
They seemed so solid. Their boys were solid. And the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. I wanted to be a mother who knew. I wanted to be solid for my children. In my case, going on a mission was a way the Lord was preparing me to be a mother. My patriarchal blessing said I would teach with testimony and the scriptures, but I knew almost nothing about the scriptures (yes, I went to seminary and had family scripture study my whole life). Somehow at the age of 21 I found myself kind of weak spiritually. My mission was another thing the lord needed me to do to prepare me to teach my kids the gospel one day. My mom always told me you can’t give something you don’t have. So as far as being converted—how was I supposed to help my kids come to know the Savior if I myself wasn’t converted first!? (Disclaimer: some of you are amazingly solid and spiritual giants and do not need to go on a mission to be a solid mom. I know a million examples of mothers that are incredible and didn’t serve a mission.) I feel like a way to prepare yourself to be a mother one day is by doing hard things. Because of the few hard things I had done in my life—I knew that I could survive “hard” again with the strength of the Lord.
When I got to the hospital, my husband gave me a blessing and he said, “One day your baby will know what you sacrificed to get her here just as you are now understanding what your mom went through for you.” That statement hit me so hard. Our moms are warriors! And I don’t think they get enough credit. When’s the last time you thanked your mom for dedicating pretty much a year of her life to bring you to this world? I couldn’t believe I had never realized the pain and suffering she went through for me.
Remi was born, and everything went great. She was born at 9:53pm. The next morning, my husband left for a while, and I found myself in a quiet room looking at this tiny human that was brand new from heaven. I couldn’t stop staring at her. She seemed so familiar to me. More familiar than anyone else in the whole world. I knew her. It’s so hard to explain, but I just remember feeling like it was so good to be with her again.
A mother-daughter bond is something so heavenly and powerful. I’m not really sure of the specifics in the pre-earth life—whether they chose us or we chose them—but I do think we knew each other.
I hope that all of us can be preparing to become mothers by making good decisions now—looking for experiences that will teach us and strengthen us. That we can be mothers who know. I hope that we can love our moms a little harder, be a little more grateful, and strive a little more to keep that heavenly bond strong with them. They are our number one fans, and they love us more than anyone else in the world. They brought us here! They were literally a portal from heaven for us.
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