About five months ago I found out my husband and I were pregnant with our second baby! This is exciting news right…!? Especially since I have always wanted a big family (about five or six kids) and my husband and I felt that we were ready to welcome a new baby into our lives. However, the happiness that I expected to come with the seemingly joyous news was nowhere to be found.
I still remember when I read the pregnancy test.
This was after already taking a previous test a few days earlier and getting a completely different answer. In other words, it was negative! Instantly tears came to my eyes, and not the “I’m so happy I could cry” tears, but the “what am I going to do?!” kind.
This reaction honestly came as quite a shock to me because I had always been a happy person. And when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, Sage, I was thrilled! I figured this sadness was something that would pass and that in a day or two the shock would wear off and I’d be back to my happy go lucky self.
Boy, was I wrong!
Chalk it up to the hormones or whatever it may have been but I was just not feeling myself one bit. Sadness kept creeping up into my day and I would often find myself crying over things that I would typically never blink an eye to. Silly things like my husband having to stay at school late would push me over the edge and I’d wonder how I was going to get through my day!
After a few weeks of this, I began to realize that I could not force myself to feel happiness. So I instead decided to accept these new feelings and to let them go as best as I could. I started to realize that even though I was feeling down, this didn’t change who I was inside: a spirit, a daughter of God. This helped me to separate myself from the feelings I was having and realize that they were just apart of my earthy experience at this time and that, most importantly, it was OK to have these feelings.
I’m reminded of a story about a current bush that was cut down when it began to grow incorrectly, without any blossoms. Once having been cut down to a mere stump, Elder Hugh B. Brown says, “It was just coming daylight, and I thought I saw on top of each of these little stumps what appeared to be a tear, and I thought the currant bush was crying.” He could almost hear the little stump say “I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down” (“The Currant Bush,” 1973). This was how I felt. There was nothing I could do at the moment but come to accept that I had been cut down.
I started to look for simple truths in this experience and began to see that often with trials and sorrow we can be brought to our knees and humbled to rely on Jesus Christ. In doing so, I was prompted to look at all of the blessings in my life when feeling down. This meant anything from being thankful for the breath in my lungs to my wonderful husband and baby girl to the ability I had to wake up to see the sun in the mornings.
I started to slowly regain my normal self as I began adding more grateful thoughts into my day along with allowing any feelings I might have to pass without judgment and fear. I actually began to feel happy again! Not only was I feeling so much lighter, but I felt as though I had an extra boost of energy during my days (which was something that I desperately needed as I previously didn’t want to get out of bed at all!).
These two key actions of being grateful and letting go of the stress made such a huge difference in my day. They allowed me to fully grasp the difference between my worldly life (one that can be full of stress and heartache) and my spiritual life (one full of joy through Jesus Christ).
I am now feeling so much better about… well, about everything! And that doesn’t mean that things won’t change or that difficult times won’t come in the future, but what it does mean is that when they do I will be ready to take action! I have chosen to grow and to learn from my experience and to recognize that life is a time for learning and that through our Savior we are all able to change.
I know that this difficult experience, and all experiences, are to help each one of us grow. And that just like the little current bush who was cut down, we will continue to grow back. The little currant bush wasn’t MEANT to be tall like an oak or shade tree, it was meant to be a current bush. So in cutting it down the master was not “destroying” the bush, but was actually “sculpting” it in order for it to meet and flourish at its full potential. Similarly, I know as we come to more fully understand the Savior, we too will come to recognize that he is, too, is the master sculpture of our lives and that through him we can achieve our full potential.
GUEST POST BY: Bri Da Silva
It’s a GREAT day!
Hi girls! I’m Bri Da Silva and I’m a wife, mom, and spirit junkie! I have worked in the hospital as a cancer nurse for four years and have recently started life coaching and spreading the message of the happiness found in living in the present moment!